DH is in massive denial of his diabetes. I honestly don't know when he last tested his blood sugar. He eats like there is no tomorrow. He has regained all of the weight he lost when first diagnosed (and probably more) and is acting mentally unstable, to boot.
I have had what seems like one health issue after another since about Thanksgiving (heck, I'm in my 60's - I'm entitled to have aches and pains and issues from time to time, aren't I???) DH keeps hinting - not quite saying outright - that having to "take care of" me is what is putting HIM on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
But he is doing stupid things that cause him problems, and I am not responsible for these things! For example, when he drives, he gets very paranoid (worse, if he is especially tired or stressed-out) - every other driver on the road is OUT TO GET HIM!!! If he starts acting belligerent toward another driver (one whom he imagines has "done something" to him but probably isn't even aware of it) I have to hope and pray that the other driver doesn't get belligerent back, because things could escalate in a hurry.
And he is way behind in a lot of stuff at work. He could bring some of it home and let me help him get it up to date - I have offered - but he won't do that. I have also suggested that he hang a "Do Not Interrupt" sign on his door at work and get some of the stuff done (he could get away with this) but he won't do that, either.
Because he has suggested that MY health issues are a large part of what is getting him upset, I have to "fake it" and pretend that I'm feeling hunky-dory, even when I'm not. I'm older than he is - can't help that - he knew it when we got married - and I definitely have my creaky days. But I don't dare show how creaky I feel because it makes him feel like there's just that much more burden HE has to carry.
I don't really know how to deal with all of this. I think he has a meeting with his diabetes nurse sometime this month, and she is going to go through the roof (which will REALLY make him fun to live with for the next several days. . .)
Any suggestions would be welcome.
Unfortunately, Sugar, there are no easy suggestions. Until he owns his disease, he will lash out at anyone he can - and that is very often the spouse. At least that is my experience. As scary as it is, we have to learn to let them fail -- whether it is at work or in the car. I posted recently about Tom's driving. My scary part is that his driving is bad even when his sugar is fine. My only suggestion is to learn to take care of yourself and not let him convince you that his failures are yours. if that means you take a walk or a bath -- put on earphones -- whatever -- there is nothing wrong with a bit of escape. Lilly goes to a different floor in her house. Some spouses learn from this treatment others just get worse. This is a terrible disease it affects the brain in strange ways.
ReplyDeletegood luck.
Sugar,
ReplyDeleteTom's Wife has excellent advice . . . first, last, and in between, take care of yourself! If you don't, you will have nothing left. I had to decide quite some time ago that my health and well-being had to be a priority. So I exercise/walk/kayak/craft in the basement which I have made into a "woman cave," and also take time to be with supportive friends whenever possible. As a result, my aches and pains have pretty much disappeared, and mentally I just feel better. It doesn't make his diabetic "crazy episodes" go away, but just giving myself permission to be kind to myself has helped tremendously, especially when he rants and raves and attempts to blame me for all his problems. Hang in there; I KNOW it's hard!
Take care,
Lilly
It's been a while since I checked the blog - thank you both for your answers! Lilly, I plan to sign back up for some activities at the local senior center (hat may sound as exciting as watching toenail fungus grow to some of you youngsters) but some of those old geezers play WICKED table tennis (way better than I do, and I always thought I was pretty good) and I want to get back into the Italian class. I don't believe I will ever get to go back to Italy, but I dearly love the language and want to study it some more with other language freaks. I'm trying to take care of my own health issues too.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment, I seem to have low thyroid and my doctor keeps trying to give me medication that makes me feel worse than ignoring the problem altogether. So we shall see.
Thanks, y'all, for CARING!!!
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