I didn't even TRY to get between him and his food. I'd like to think I am learning a healthy sense of self-preservation.
He was extremely angry about some things that had transpired at work. At first, he wasn't even going to tell me about it, so I didn't ask; I just made listening noises, allowing him to vent, and eventually got the whole story. Of course, by then, he had eaten significant amounts of potato salad, sweet cole slaw, pretzels, peanut butter, a glass of sparkling grape juice that we had left over from the 4th, and I forget what else. . .
I feel like I ought to be fighting harder, but it seems like that would just set up more resistance, and as others have pointed out, I am neither his mother nor his keeper. We are in this together and I'm here to help, but I can't do it all by myself.
Why is it they always run to food? They are sick both physically and mentally to not follow a proper diet since they can literally kill themselves with the junk they eat, or even worse, wind up blind, amputees on dialysis. I gave up trying to do anything about what H stuffs himself with, I do not need to subject myself to his rage.
ReplyDeleteH has been a mess of anxiety lately, sleeping very little and demanding so much. What is my limit?
you are smart to try to set boundaries
ReplyDeletethere are only so many things you can do
his food choices are his alone
with everything you are trying to deal with (I read about your son's health issues) it can be too much
sar: I'm not sure that the reality of the disease and its potential has actually sunk in yet. We are scheduled to attend diabetes management classes soon, and that may help him understand it better. I still think that if he can shed the excess weight, he may actually get rid of the diabetes too, but maybe I'm thinking "Fantasyland." I SO understand your point of "subjecting yourself to his rage." That's why I have decided to pick my battles rather than squabble over every little thing.
ReplyDeletetomswife: Thank you for the validation! I feel like I'm blind and trying to pick my way through a minefield. There is so much I don't know yet and it is scary. My son's health issues are a constant worry; I have the same disease but it doesn't seem to affect women as severely as it affects men. Both of us will likely wind up on dialysis some day, but he will probably be first. Because of this, I refuse to move to any other part of the country. I only have the one child (and one grandchild) and I'm not sure how strong his wife is and how she will deal with it when his kidneys go south - and they will. DH hates it here and wants to move, but I feel that I need to be here for my son and his little girl.
It's awfully hard to watch the two most important men in my life deal with life-threatening health issues. At least, with my DH, there is a possibility that he can diet and exercise his way out of it (I think.) Whether or not he will do it is another issue altogether.
I totally understand your need to pick your battles. Otherwise, we would be fighting with our husbands all day!
ReplyDeleteAs far as Type II diabetes "going away" if the weight is lost, I know it can get a lot better, but don't know if it ever truly disappears. Anybody out there have an answer to this? Since my husband is Type I, he will always need to take insulin, although eating everything in sight doesn't help him, either.
I looked for your post on your and your son's kidney disease, but couldn't find anything. So sorry to hear that you are both on your way to dialysis, as it is NOT an easy road. My husband was on dialysis for almost a year before his kidney transplant. Good for you that you are staying close by.
Take care,
Lilly
Okay, just found your comment under Raging Diabetic's post. You truly are caught in the middle. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI probably also wrote about it in the "Living Donor" blog.
ReplyDelete