It isn't easy playing Jiminy Cricket. I have tried to be very encouraging, praising every pound lost and saying things like, "We'll start over tomorrow" when a day hasn't been too good. Portion control is very difficult, especially when he acts like he is on the Bataan Death March and I know perfectly well that he has eaten enough - or more - today.
I don't want to be TOO repressive because I don't want him to start sneaking behind my back. But after he had been bugging for a while to have more food, I reminded him that he had just had his snack for the evening and maybe a nice glass of ice water would be good.
I heard some odd goings-on out in the kitchen and went to investigate. He was stuffing the remnants of a slab of bread and butter in his mouth. He looked guilty, but he did it anyway.
I'm NOT a flipping warden on Death Row! I'm a wife and I don't aspire to be a widow! There must be a fine line between helping somebody and imprisoning them, but I haven't learned the fine points yet. I'll be grateful for any help I can get. I'm still new at this.
The way I look at this is that my hubby is a grown adult. I'm not his mother. So if he wants to sneak food, I keep my mouth shut. And trust me, I find candy bar wrappers stuffed everywhere. I just keep reminding myself that I can't act like his mom. We do discuss it, he does say he will quit....and he does....for awhile. But he always goes back. And yes, I don't want to be an early widow, but I don't want to be his mom, either. It's his life, it's his choices. I just love him for today. :o)
ReplyDeleteI haven't mastered that degree of detachment yet. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
ReplyDeleteI really have to agree with Diabetes Wife. After trying to micromanage my husband's eating for years, I had to realize that regardless of what I did or said, he would do pretty much what he wanted. I won't win this battle with him anyway, so why fight it, as it upsets me way more than it upsets him. Am I totally detached from it? No way, but I really have to limit my battles to where I might be able to make a difference. Otherwise, I'll lose my mind worse than I already have!
ReplyDeleteI gave up being the food police. He eats what he wants, as much as he wants and whenever he wants. I can see the havoc this is causing but he has to learn for himself that if he goes on this way he will get sicker and sicker. When I try to intervene, all I get is rage from him
ReplyDeleteYikes! join the club!
ReplyDeleteYou have now heard from the best
1) you are not his mother
2) he will do whatever he wants
3) he knows what he is supposed to do
4) he will still do whatever he wants to do
5) it doesn't matter what you do or say
the best thing you can do for yourself is to figure out how to "not worry" about what he eats. His body, his disease, his food choices. give it up.....
hard? yes
impossible? no........
good luck......
Thank you, everybody. DH came home from work later than usual today and was starving, so he overate (and then, like an alcoholic, felt very remorseful.) But - I don't think he overate as badly as he usually does, and he ate a lot of "good" stuff like protein and non-starchy veggies. So I feel like that may be the beginning of at least eating with some kind of awareness rather than just stuffing his face while watching TV, not paying any attention at all to quantity or quality.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I may just be selling myself on a fantasy simply because I want so desperately for it to be so. At least, I'm aware of the possibility.